Aubrey LaRue

09:17 am


Hello?

Is there anybody in there?

Just nod if you can hear me.

Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.

I hear you're feeling down.

Well I can ease your pain,

Get you on your feet again.





Yesterday was just lousy. I had such a hard time holding my temper, I don't know how I actually did it. Today I don't feel nearly as angry but I have chest pains instead.



John is ok. Almost too mellow now. The emotionally spent kind of mellow. I wasn't sure what to even say to him yesterday. I mean, there is so much that went on that he didn't even know about. So much his mother said, the way Peyton found out...so many things directly linked to my rage. Things he needs to know to understand but I wasn't sure how strong he is.What can I tell him & what will push him back over the edge. I just didn't know. Plus, she, her hubby & Peyton are supposedly coming back this weekend so time is a real issue. I will not have my house in an uproar & then have surgery Monday morning on top of that.



No fucking way.



So last night I told him some of the stuff.He didn't react much at all & I found myself getting pissed. He reacted to everything else in the last few days...but I know it was better he stay calm. I know he'll deal with his mother & thats good because I really don't want to. I explained how she systematically poisoned everything in the house. Good moods were gone, drama was front & center, she kept literally barging in, wouldn't respect the fact that she was a GUEST...she refuses to get her own drink but thinks nothing of storming my bedroom while I sleep...The disrespect was insane & just completely unacceptable. It won't happen again. She's toxic, kills everything on contact including 2 of my lisianthus plants.



I know that he has been weakened but by the end of this week I need him to keep her the fuck away from me.



I don't feel strong enough to handle more. Nothing feels like much of a comfort unless I'm buried way in my own thoughts to the point of spacing out.