Balance

Funny morning. In one work related email my integrity was questioned. In the next work related email my integrity was praised and a promotion was offered.  Life is funny like that.  Good & bad always go hand in hand, always cancel each other out.  There was a quote somewhere recently that went something like,

If things are going badly, don't worry they'll change.  If things are going great, don't worry they'll change.

Very true. It all keeps changing. January has been very good to me overall.  Kids have been good, work has been great, I'm bouncing back from pneumonia & the holidays & on track for that crazy Tough Mudder thing if I so choose to torture myself.  I've gained a new BGF (best guy friend) that makes me laugh like a kid & Mr. Vodka & I are definetly heating up.

I'm more content than I've been in years & for that I'm grateful.

Did I Mention The Drunk Athlete?

No, I did not.

I had an interview LATE the other nite. Well after 10pm which I never do but agreed because this dude was three hours behind. So in that case, cater cater cater. I was exhausted & seriously didn't know how I was going to stay awake.  Then I finally answered the phone & was on my tues quickly cause dude, he was a slirrin'! 

AND.

He called via Skype & explained one of the wires in his mic was whacked so it was a BAD connection- all crackly & stuff.

Slurring & static.

Not so nice when I realized I was going to have to spend longer than usual trying to translate this mess in order to transcribe it! Funny story to tell & imitate, not so funny to put on paper & turn into anything viable. I wondered if he was too trashed to know that we spoke. Ya know, could I request ANOTHER interview  ;)

In Mr. DJ VS Mr. Vodka news...

I was chatting with DJ last night & something he said made it kinda clear my situation with Vodka is a situation he is in with someone else right now. So I spilled & told him about Mr Vodka. You know, looking for guy advice plus I figured he might tell me about HER a bit.  Cause I'm curious.

So, he basically says Vodka looks like he is interested in more & is attached then everything shifted.

TEXTBOOK MAN ALERT.

Now, now he suggested we go for drinks or just hang out, you know spend real time together. Now he wants a real conversation rather than constant messages & chats at night. NOW he asked about my texting, do I have unlimited texting? Oh good so we can text a lot when I finally give up my number.

Seriously?

Seriously.

I agreed to go out with him. Because he IS hilarious & at the very least I think he's make a great real life friend. He has sports stuff all weekend so I told him we can talk Monday, I'll give him my number then. Don't want texting to interfere with his hockey/football-a-pa-looza.  A girl has to maintain some control of the situation ya know?

It is 3 degrees out this morning which inspires me to want to stay in & clean. It is 3 degrees out this morning which makes me want to run to the store to grab stuff so I can bake.

Typical huh?

But don't red velvet cupcakes sound good?????

{Images from We Love It}

My Life Without A Notebook Is Like Hockey Without The Brawls

You think I'm joking?  I'm totally not.  I have been twitching all evening because I need new notebooks. 3 to be exact.  I feel like I discombobulated wreck heading into this week & I have 3 different types of work going on at once here. I don't want to write things in the wrong places so I'm holding off until morning. (This is where I'm having an internal erruption like a volcano, any volcano- pick one!) Besides this is how I can justify an early after school drop off run to Borders, no?? I mean notebook, jumbo day planner & coffee all right there. I can stop twitching & make a few lists then & there.

I'll blame my weirdness on the notebook situation or it COULD be because I've just spent an ENTIRE holiday break with kids & on the really good days, their friends too!

**Twitch**

They return to school tomorrow & not a second to soon. They behaved pretty well but in the end they had the rare luxury of whining that they were bored! My response?  "Enjoy it because starting Monday you're busy until EASTER."

That means so am I.

**Twitch**

Uniforms are pressed, snacks are in lunch bags, backpacks are packed, we are ready. I just need for no new second graders to have moved into the boundary & we'll be fine.

If you remember overcrowding caused them to try & bump B out to another school last fall. Nitemare. Nitemare. Nitemare.

They did inform me after a 2 week legal battle that included the DA's office & a judge, that she is the first to go if someone new comes. I'm afraid to look at my caller ID this week for fear I get THAT call again.  And not halfway thru the year when she was already disrupted once & still managed to settle back in & pull A's.

**TWITCH!!**

Yeah, uh-huh... it's all about the notebooks. They are easy to deal with & easier to remedy.

{Images by We Love It}

Does That Make Me Crazy? Probably.

Psst! 

I'm still here.

Seriously, I am.

Life has just gotten really crazy.  My work hours changed & gulp...gulp... I now work graveyard fulltime. What? You say government offices aren't open overnite?  Yeah. That's what I thought too.  I thought wrong. Prepartation for day to day operations happen betyween midnite & 8am. So does payroll so if you are in this state & work for the Department of Commerce I'm likely the one processing your time sheets & getting you paid.

Your welcome.

Ironically, I love the skeleton crew that works. I love having my lunch at 4am & listening to my ipod in an empty lobby of a historic building that is usually jam packed. I love going across the street to the coffeehouse when it opens at 6am & seeing people just starting their day while knowing my work is almost done. I'm a vampire by nature. I love late nights & early mornings so this caters to my internal clock. It's all those nasty afternoon hours that I struggle with. Did I mention graveyard pays time & a half & eliminates my need for daycare once school gets out in 2 weeks? Didja know 8 hours a day daycare for 3 kids is $246 bucks a week?  Yeah, you'd stay awake all night too now wouldn't you??

I'm seriously loving it but I have to say the not sleeping enough is really, truly hard. Typical day, run home get kids up & out to school. Clean up, throw dinner in the crockpot, run errands then sleep from 11-1:30. Get kids, homework, dinner, someone usually has a softball game, slushies, showers bed for kids. I get out the stuff to get them ready for the next day & sleep for another hour or two if lucky, jump in the shower and go to work. There are days that this hasn't happened. I got up at 7am on Weds. and was up until 9:30pm FRIDAY night.  That is just bad. So bad. Non functional bad. Friday morning the world was spinning but my mind was running. By afternoon I was flipping my phone to check email & dozing off while the page loaded.  Not pretty. Sleep is vital. I slept 11 hours last night & fully intend to repeat that tonite before going back to my 5 day insanity this week.

Kids are great. Wrapping up the school year. Fun day (DJ, bounce equipment, relay race etc.) at school is on B's birthday, B & Emmy's double birthday bash is just days away, there's a field trip this week but before that I get to help her class tye dye shirts to wear on the trip... I could go on forever.

Extremely important is a planned trip to NYC. It has been B's big wish since Xmas. To go to NYC to go to The American Girl Doll Store. That (& the overpriced doll) is her birthday gift from me. I just can't wait, so much good stuff is coming I just need to figure out how to stay awake!

All Is As It Should Be

I'm sitting here listening to the (almost) Olympic Opening Ceremonies as the kids are all upstairs watching the Disney Channel. 8 years ago my 5 months pregnant, journalistic ass wanted nothing more than to be in Salt Lake City. Now? I'm looking forward to watching the games on my television in spite of really wanting to visit Vancouver & Vancouver Island. Funny how things just sort of change. Just a little sometimes. Like realizing something that mattered no longer does even though you're not sure why. Sometimes it's bigger & more obvious. Like a phone call I recieved this morning.

I have a love hate thing with my government job. Love the flexibility & that I can make my own hours. Hate the training which amounts to 60 hours of explaining the same 7 things 18 different ways. Love that I'm on the clock from the moment I leave in the morning until I walk back in the door. Hate that my $3500 computer that is on me at all times GPS' my every move & that I need to keep it ON. Love the money. Hate the paperwork when someone under me screws up, quits, whatever. Love the job. Hate that I am one of many that STILL doesn't have my W2!! Many workers were forloughed a few months ago while some of us were kicked to part time. Today, I was informed of my official return to fulltime hours (50ish a week)as of March 2. It was supposed to be this coming week unofficially but the official call with a retraining location makes it official. I'm back to be retrained in 4 days so that I can be a supervisor again within a few weeks. I made THE cut. The ONE class that gets the supervisor positions right away. With that comes a nice raise. Training location? I have no idea where it is & my boss was of no help. He doesn't know where it is & went as far as to suggest I use GOOGLE MAPS to find it. I am really hoping that within the next 2 weeks they come to their senses & change the location. If not, it's a few days & then I'm coasting so I will not complain.I can breathe easier now.



I rarely bang the single mother drum. I've actually been told that I should but I choose not to. The way I see it, I had my girls & even though their father & I were very much together, there was no garuntee that it would stay that way. I have to shut up & step up and take care of things. Period. And I do. It's just me. Daddy hasn't paid child support in over a year. He hasn't seen his daughters in over a year & a half. In the 8 months that he roamed around harassing me he never once requested visitation. Not a once. The way I see it I had two choices. I could be angry & bitter, bitching about everything that I was stuck with, all that I had to figure out on my own, or I could do the opposite. So I got on with life. I handle it all with precious little help. I can't remember what it's like to have even a bit of regular help, honestly. My friends' husband went away on business for 4 days and she was losing it. She has a 5 & a 1 year old. The 5 year old is in school all day & she'd be with the baby anyway, I couldn't believe her meltdown. Another friend has 3 girls & her hubby pretty much does everything. She found out he is going away for business & she is so fearful of being left that she booked flights for herself & the kids to go too! I just can't imagine at all.



I make the money. I help with homework. I am a homeroom mom. I bake cupcakes to drop them. I handle most birthday party invites & dance classes. I make family dinners most nights. I do the bookstore & coco runs. I do all the laundry. I do not get child support to help me provide for the girls. I do not get every other weekend off. My time off is spent at work. My time off is alone in my quiet house after little people are in bed. In April my time off will be spent studying because I'll be back in school then.

I guess it's all in perspective and mine has gradually shifted. I'm supposed to be right here right now. I'm supposed to be everything to these kids for right now. They need to grow up to be happy, strong, confident, independent, clear thinking, kind young women. I can help get them there, if they'll let me.