All Is As It Should Be

I'm sitting here listening to the (almost) Olympic Opening Ceremonies as the kids are all upstairs watching the Disney Channel. 8 years ago my 5 months pregnant, journalistic ass wanted nothing more than to be in Salt Lake City. Now? I'm looking forward to watching the games on my television in spite of really wanting to visit Vancouver & Vancouver Island. Funny how things just sort of change. Just a little sometimes. Like realizing something that mattered no longer does even though you're not sure why. Sometimes it's bigger & more obvious. Like a phone call I recieved this morning.

I have a love hate thing with my government job. Love the flexibility & that I can make my own hours. Hate the training which amounts to 60 hours of explaining the same 7 things 18 different ways. Love that I'm on the clock from the moment I leave in the morning until I walk back in the door. Hate that my $3500 computer that is on me at all times GPS' my every move & that I need to keep it ON. Love the money. Hate the paperwork when someone under me screws up, quits, whatever. Love the job. Hate that I am one of many that STILL doesn't have my W2!! Many workers were forloughed a few months ago while some of us were kicked to part time. Today, I was informed of my official return to fulltime hours (50ish a week)as of March 2. It was supposed to be this coming week unofficially but the official call with a retraining location makes it official. I'm back to be retrained in 4 days so that I can be a supervisor again within a few weeks. I made THE cut. The ONE class that gets the supervisor positions right away. With that comes a nice raise. Training location? I have no idea where it is & my boss was of no help. He doesn't know where it is & went as far as to suggest I use GOOGLE MAPS to find it. I am really hoping that within the next 2 weeks they come to their senses & change the location. If not, it's a few days & then I'm coasting so I will not complain.I can breathe easier now.



I rarely bang the single mother drum. I've actually been told that I should but I choose not to. The way I see it, I had my girls & even though their father & I were very much together, there was no garuntee that it would stay that way. I have to shut up & step up and take care of things. Period. And I do. It's just me. Daddy hasn't paid child support in over a year. He hasn't seen his daughters in over a year & a half. In the 8 months that he roamed around harassing me he never once requested visitation. Not a once. The way I see it I had two choices. I could be angry & bitter, bitching about everything that I was stuck with, all that I had to figure out on my own, or I could do the opposite. So I got on with life. I handle it all with precious little help. I can't remember what it's like to have even a bit of regular help, honestly. My friends' husband went away on business for 4 days and she was losing it. She has a 5 & a 1 year old. The 5 year old is in school all day & she'd be with the baby anyway, I couldn't believe her meltdown. Another friend has 3 girls & her hubby pretty much does everything. She found out he is going away for business & she is so fearful of being left that she booked flights for herself & the kids to go too! I just can't imagine at all.



I make the money. I help with homework. I am a homeroom mom. I bake cupcakes to drop them. I handle most birthday party invites & dance classes. I make family dinners most nights. I do the bookstore & coco runs. I do all the laundry. I do not get child support to help me provide for the girls. I do not get every other weekend off. My time off is spent at work. My time off is alone in my quiet house after little people are in bed. In April my time off will be spent studying because I'll be back in school then.

I guess it's all in perspective and mine has gradually shifted. I'm supposed to be right here right now. I'm supposed to be everything to these kids for right now. They need to grow up to be happy, strong, confident, independent, clear thinking, kind young women. I can help get them there, if they'll let me.