Go On Take Everything, Take Ever Bit of 2010 With You & Don't Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out

 I am SO ready to wrap this one up. OMG the year from utter hell and it is thisclose to saying farewell.  I should be celebrating big time but frankly, I have no desire. Could be out tonite but much prefer the warmth and comfort of home with little girls & fur babies. No one gets in & no one is going anywhere either. I have a crazy full new plate of stuff that starts this week (More on that later), a new job among other things & I'm ready to cool my heels over the weekend and just enjoy the last bit of down time. So many plans for this winterbreak. I had a list of things to do with the kids. We did NOTHING. I decided a break is a break. I'm actually hearing "We're bored!" and I'm thinking GOOD! Once Monday striles they will be in perpetual motion again til Easter so go ahead, be bored. Enjoy it.

I know I am.

So, farewell 2010 and please take with you:

Supposed friends that never deserved the title in the first place.

Family members that make time for you only when their new nonstop partying schedule permits

School districts that make mistakes & take weeks to do the RIGHT thing & correct things.

Every married man that hears that I am single & thinks single equals desperate & desperate equals an easy score.

My own misplaced sense of right & wrong. Just because I would do the right thing in a serious situation does not mean you will. I get that now.

The couple two-three drama queens that have been cut from my life in recent months. I am so LOVING the quiet & calm that replaced them.

DeeDeeDee's. Period.

PS. Can you somehow erase the bad memories completely? Thanks!

The One About The Albatross- Er, Tree!

I've been sick for a few days but decided last night we needed to go & get the tree.  BITTER cold, migraine, coughing, still have body aches- yeah let's go.  I decided to get a tree a bit smaller than last years. That one was huge so I figured we could go smaller and I thought we did go smaller- until I got it home.  Now I'd say it is about the same size as last year. Ooopsie.

The stump was itty bitty making it hard to anchor in the tree stand & then for whatever reason, it just had a mind of its own and did not want to stay upright. Poor Maya was holding it FOR-EV-ER while I fought with it. Thought we had it, I put the kids to bed & when I came back downstairs it was keeling over all over again.

I lost it.

Seriously lost it.

Throwing ornaments (I stopped throwing stuff BEFORE I got divorced, just for the record). That's really bad for me.

I ripped it apart & started all over again. Took me til 1:30AM & then I was awake until 3. Needless to say my mood is not fab, but the tree is :)

The REAL Jersey Shore (Part 2)

Her tattoo reads "Alejandro".  I'm guessing he was the dude in the neon speedo in Dunkin Donuts at 7am while I threw up bought coffee.

REAL People of Jersey Shore (Part One)

I just want to know where the hair that the boy is holding came from.

The Great Cupcake Massacre

Yesterday we made 5 dozen cupcakes. 5 dozen. Valentine's Day Funfetti with white or pink frosting, heart candies, pink, red & purple sprinkles, matching M&M's, Hershey's Kisses. Each one was a wee little masterpiece. Em frosted & decorated each & every one for her class, herself. I helped B do hers & they were PERFECT. We also did 3 trays of chocolate covered pretzels. After everything was done I figured school would be cancelled. We got a call last night revising the entire schedule. They were supposed to be off at 11am today, now they went to school at 10 & are there all day. Two 11am dismissals will happen next week to make up for parent confrences that were cancelled in the snow. GREAT! No school tomorrow, none Monday & they are now out at 11 on Thursday & Friday. This makes the third consecutive week of pretend school.



Anyway, so the kids slept late this morning & we left early. We walk the two blocks because I'd end up needing to park at my house anyway with the morning drop off rush. So out we go. Emmy has two trays of cupcakes in a big bag with a nice handle. Perfect fit & I have her school bag over my shoulder. Em's mission, carry your cupcakes & stay upright. I have Br's cupcakes in one hand, am holding her hand in my other & off we go. One block down...two blocks...we got about 8 inches of snow but its all snow except for slushy intersections. No ice which is good. We get to the school yard & it's a slushy mess everywhere. I don't know what the deal is because last year it used to be much cleaner, plowed & salted. This year its always an early morning mess. I see 3 moms wipe out as we are heading for the gate.

"Don't fall Em, just don't fall!" She keeps saying she won't & I figure she's going down. I have a hold on everything but her.

As we're walking into the playground again (as I see someone else go) "Don't fall Emmy be careful."

Then I felt it- you know that slomo feeling you get as you know you are falling & nothing can save you?

Yeah, redhead down. Cupcakes fly out of my arms & go bouncing. Thank god I taped the containers shut.

B screams, "MOM! MY CUPCAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Me? I'm flipping over containers while laughing my head off. The cupcakes are all conjoined. Sprinkles, M&M's, kisses everywhere. Stuck to the wrappers. Stuck to the lid. Everywhere. I walk into the school to bring them to Tracey's room still laughing. Actually laughing & crying simultaneously. I show her them & she looks and goes, "OHMYGOD! Look at how much work went into them?!" I tried to reposition them. Pointless attempt if you ask me.



I came home, made more pretzels & returned with them before 11. I tell the office chick what happened & she says, "You fell?? I missed it???" Yes, she is a total bust ass. She carried the pretzels across the hall to Tracey's room, opens the door & says (no lie), "BRI! Look what mommy didn't drop!!" Loves the staff.

I leave the school still laughing, hit the corner & who is heading for me? That's right.

Crushdriver

I'll fill you in on that later on!

Don't Mess With This Redhead

Guess what? No one was sick today! I know, I'm shocked too! Anyway, I decided late this afternoon to take the kids for a quick run to the grocery store nearby. It's not a huge one, just a neighborhood, family owned place. (Think a parking lot that accomodates 50 cars) I wanted to grab stuff to make red velvet cupcakes & Emmy (who refused to eat for almost 3 days) wanted roast for dinner. We're leaving and there is a couple coming out the door right on our heels with a shopping cart. I had a hand held basket, no cart so I was carrying two small bags & had B's hand in my free one. Emmy notices the cart, apparently the couple left it right outside the stores door. It is rolling, rather quickly into traffic. It's a busy street, traffic steady in both directions as the cart stops dead blocking both lanes. Traffic came to a halt. I look back & see this, I also see a man get out of his car from a Rite Aid across the street. He climbs thru the landscaping, runs into the middle of the street, grabs the cart & starts yelling- at ME.

Whoa. Hold up. Big friggin mistake.

Mr. Well dressed that just jumped out of his 5 series car is yelling at me.

"You just gonna leave that there? Just gonna leave it in the middle of the street you little bitch?"

Wait. This arrogant fukc just called me a bitch? How does he know? How do strangers know??? We'll figure that out some other time, back to the matter at hand.

One, it was NOT my cart. Two, I never even had a cart. Three, he has traffic stopped even though he moved the cart simply because of the scene he is making. Some lady intercepted & took the cart from him the second he hit the edge of the parking lot. I guess she thought he was gunning for me & frankly it looked like it.

Me? I was momentarily stunned. I stood there in my comfy sweats (ok it IS Saturday & I'm coming off 2 days of the flu gimme a break besides I was still very presentable) staring at him with my mouth half open looking like a DEE DEE DEE until he crossed the street & was as close to me as he would get, then I YELLED back:

"Do I look like I needed a cart? (Lifting my little bags) I had a carry basket, THEY (pointing to the idiots watching from inside their no-doubt locked car) had that cart! And, quite frankly even if it was mine I would have let it roll once it hit the street because I would NOT leave my three small children unattended in a PARKING LOT!"

I stood there staring him down. Once he was BACKING UP into the middle of the street he starts apologizing and waving his arms at me:

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, sorry! I'm sorry, is it ok? I'm sorry!"

I suspect he isn't used to women standing up to him.

I explained to the girls that I had to say something because no one yells at me or treats me badly, especially if I've done nothing wrong.

Fast forward to dinner...

We are sitting at the table & Emmy starts making fun of how B was dancing god knows how long ago. B is clearly getting agitated and finally picks up her glass & SPLATS her lemonade in Em's face!

WTF? Am I know hosting The Little Bad Girls Club??? Should I call the Oxygen Network? Seriously. Emmy is ballsy & I have NO doubt she'll have many drinks thrown on her but I think 7 is a bit too young don't you?

B's brilliant defense?

"She was making fun of me & I had to stand up for myself JUST LIKE YOU DID TODAY!"

God help me because they are consistently smarter than I am.

Oh and the cupcakes? They came out great ;c)

I'm Not A Stalker, I'm Just Curious. (By the Way, You're Out of Milk)

My friend M met a guy 2 weeks ago. They have seen each other twice. Nice guy. Cute guy. Decent guy. But no sparks. She just wasn't feeling it at all. Liked him as a friend but knew it was going to stay that way. She is very independent, has a son & is just really busy. She plays no games & was in touch but not leading him on at all. She didn't think she had to spell it out because she thought the friend factor was obvious. He suggested a third date and she hedged, truthfully holding the spot open for her high school sweetheart that has just remerged after 20 years of hiding. She told the dude she wasn't sure what her plan was or if she could get a sitter. His response, "Oh, I see how this relationship is going to go. You'll always be moody, right?"

Relationship?

Um, yeah. No. Just no.

Realizing he was looking at them as an item she really backed off & basically became very unavailable to him while verbally reminding him that they were friends. With two dates. And no chemistry.

So he has started text bombing her, commenting on every FB status she posts. Can't get rid of him. I listened to her whining about the dude & it reminded me of a guy that I saw for about 15 minutes.

Ben described himself as Mr. Wonderful (don't they all?). Smart, good looking, athletic, energetic, loves kids especially his daughters, he's an EMT, doesn't drink (remember that part), looking for someone to love... blah blah blah insert the rainbows, chirping birds & hearts falling from the sky. The first time I really talked to him the positive description didn't jive with the voice. He sounded depressed. After a few conversations I figured he was nice, maybe just not a phone person. First date went ok. Second date Mr. I-Don't-Drink showed up trashed. So trashed that it felt irresponsible to have him drive his ass home. When he campaigned for a third date I refused. That's when Mr. Depressed turned into Mr. Batshit Crazy. We talked at 8pm & I stopped responding to him FOREVER at around 9pm. I was inundated with texts, emails, voicemails in rapid succession. I mean as I read one email 2 more appeared. And those voicemails, each one a bit drunker than the previous. "Ruuuuubbbbbyyyyy. I neez zu. How canu dodis to (long pause) me..." In 24 hours I recieved 43 texts, 50 emails, 4 FB messages, 9 voicemails & a total of 42 phone calls.

I remember at some point doing what I always do when things are reaching new pathetic lows, I started laughing my head off. It became hilarious. I laughed while replaying messages for friends who listened in disbelief. I laughed extra hard while starting a "Ben file" on my computer because, a girl never knows when she might need a restraining order.

Seriously.

Song of the day:



3 days of crazy & then he was gone. Maybe sober & embarassed. Maybe face down in a puddle. Maybe in rehab. My bet is that he latched onto some new poor sucker woman that very quickly ran like the wind.

It's amazing that I can look at any man & even contemplate dating ever.

Not The Typical Chicken Wing Story

There's a little story that ran locally last week that is still making me laugh.

Naked woman assaults firefighter, starts blaze while heating chicken wings, police say

BY DAVE SINGLETON STAFF WRITER


Published: Monday, April 20, 2009 Updated: Monday, April 20, 2009 5:24 PM EDT
SCRANTON — A city woman faces aggravated and simple assault charges for fighting with a firefighter who tried to get her to leave an apartment building where a fire had been reported, police said.Firefighter John Judge was attempting to clear people out of a smoky, second-floor apartment at 1540 Wyoming Ave. on Saturday about 10:30 p.m. when he was confronted by a naked Amanda Masker, 27, police said.When Mr. Judge told her to get clothes and get out, Ms. Masker cursed at him, pushed him and then struck him in the chest with her fists, police said. Mr. Judge escorted the struggling woman downstairs, where she was arrested by officers who were called to assist.According to police, the smoke was traced to the kitchen stove, where Ms. Masker had tried to heat up chicken wings but turned on the wrong burner.

The conversations that I have had with equally amused people about this. My first thought was that the woman was probably a million pounds because NO firefighter would be lucky enough to walk in on a naked model type. That's wished for but probably not too realistic right? Then I said to a friend who works in close proximity to the firefighter that I felt bad for the guy. He responded that it was all about perspective, leading me to think it may have been a GOOD night for those lucky (?) guys on duty.

Now let's get to the real issue. Who the hell cooks hot wings naked?? I mean really. Right after I dump oil into a pan & turn on the heat, my next thought is that I should drop my clothes.

?

Huh?

Where the hell do these people come from?