Aubrey LaRue

07:18 pm


This weekend has turned into the biggest clusterfuck that I've experienced in a year plus. John was MIA a good chunk of the night & was a basketcase this morning. He finally cracked from the stress of my health not being the best, his sister's situation, his mom moving out here, work...He lost it bad.



I mean really bad.



He drank gin which is on his no drink ever list because it makes him fucking evil. He says that himself. He hasn't touched it in about 3 years, until last night. When he was here he was horrendous until he finally broke & started bawling. Only once did he say anything directly in refrence to his sister but it was obvious that was what he was upset about. Lots of projecting feelings onto other situations & such.



The maggot never came back. She called at 8:30 this morning to tell me that she went bar hopping looking for John. She picked one of the worst places in town & got stuck in there. A few of the patrons kept blocking her in so she couldn't leave. She finally resorted to calling the cops while in the ladies room and having a police officer come in and escort her out.



Meanwhile John has been a remorseful basketcase on & off all day. I believe it was a slip & not a pattern he intends to continue. He has said that he can't ever have another night like last night. He can't go thru that again himself even. We both spoke to our counselor today & Tom thinks John is sincere as do I. He said people slip often what matters is that its only a slip & that something is learned from it. I believe that to be true in some respects. But I will not do this scenario ever again. That much is sure. I am too old for this shit & I'm just not doing this. If nothing else has become clear to me this past year, I know I thrive on peace in my house. This just is completely unacceptable.



I feel weak & am emotionally drained although I have yet to drop a single tear. I am not everyone's crisis counselor & the kids & I will not live in this drama. If that is all his assclown mother has to offer than she will not be setting foot in here again.



"Why did John get so upset?" she asks me. Well fuck. Because you are 60, Peyton is 6, Ang is having another baby & she is her dude are both probably going to croak of AIDS before Peyton is out of grade school. The only other people in this family under 60 that can help are he & I. Another kid, insta-pressure. Fuck, remember last fucking month his mom asked us to take Peyton???



Ugh.



03:56 am


The last 20 hours have truly been a Jerry Springer episode complete with chair throwing. All I'm positive of is that I don't know where my husband or his mother are. He went for a walk at around 10pm, returned TRASHED-ER at midnite & just crumbled into a million pieces. I spent an hour literally mopping up tears & then figured he would come to bed or fall asleep somewhere. I woke now to find his car & no him.



His mother, I defused at about 8pm & then watched her drink, cry, slurr & try to quote poetry until midnite. then she went looking for barfood never to be seen again.



There was no night out. John was horrendous & I made it about 3 blocks before saying, "No. Bad idea." getting out of the car, walking home & sending the sitter packing. He was just raging over his sister but I wasn't going to be the target