Aubrey LaRue

07:08 pm - The Beast Within


I'm so used to my body being "off" that I sometimes, ok often, don't notice. Like this morning. I didn't notice the huge swollen lymph nodes under each arm until I was in the shower. They hurt like hell & I didn't notice until then. The glands in my neck are swelling too.



I hate this. Uncertainty. Out of nowhere fear when I truly believed my emotions were in check & my worries were realistically minimized.



It's not that I'm thinking, "Oh shit, the cancer is spreading..." gasp. Horror. No. It's that I think this is one way that my body reminds me that it is fighting it even when I feel ok. Even on the good days. It is continuously fighting this shit off.



I just want to not be reminded because I don't want there to be anything living in me that needs serious attention.

Custom Friends Groups: ffriends

Current Mood: sore





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09:17 am - Antisocial Much?

I've been quiet this week. Not really a whole lot to say I guess. I've been busy with the kids & busy here & just not near the computer a whole lot.



John called his mom last night to find out what is going on. remember, she was moving this week. Well, that has been postponed for another 6 weeks. she is hauling more stuff out here, today in fact. But she won't be LIVING here til September. I think John was more relieved than I even!



We finally get a night out tomorrow. Finally no kids. I need a break desperately. John asked what I want to do & truly I want to hide out ALONE in Barnes & Noble for a few hours & then maybe interact with someone!