That Chemistry Lesson I Promised

Once upon a time ago I met a guy. About 2 years ago to be exact. We were both tangled in crappy marriages, with daughters the same age and so a fast friendship was formed. He's not at all my "type" if I have one. It was all about chemistry. It was just there by the dumptruck load. We could discuss something serious & veer off into a weird playful banter then hop back to the serious without skipping a beat. I became single. He split with his wife awhile later. I had no idea that they had problems at the time but I suspected because he just wasn't happy. He'd light up while talking to me, light up while talking about his kids but the light didn't stay lit. Something was missing or at least way off. So when he split with her we began talking a lot. It has always been very easy, the conversation. We can tell each other anything & it's ok. You don't get that with many people. We were tight. We hooked up a bit but I saw something unresolved in him & basically sent him packing back to her. Or at least to work out the hurt & get over the hump of divorce. I didn't want to be a distraction & I felt like I was. We kept in touch a bit. When my Emmy got sick last year & needed surgery, I called him. I can remember being on the phone with him the night before she went in just bawling. And that was ok. He was the only one that was going to get that from me. Everyone else, I felt like they needed me to say, "Oh she'll be fine. Her doctor is amazing & we need to get to the bottom of things." so that's what I said. But with him it was different. He understood me, understood the fear & panic and was just amazing. Him saying it would be ok & that even if it wasn't the advances in medicine would make it ok, I believed it a bit more. He was failing at working things out for the sake of the kids as I met Patrick. Kind, steady, solid Patrick. So good to the girls & I. He had my back, I thought. He was good to me & offered me what I needed at the time. Were there sparks? Looking back I'd say no. Not like there should be. We were sweet & in sync but sparks? No. I was bored. I realize it now & friends have reminded me of things I was saying around Thanksgiving. I was getting antsy & a split would have happened anyway even if he hadn't morphed into an incompetent, clueless, couch dweller. No chemistry = no relationship eventually. As Patrick & I died I actually started running into HIM again, purely by chance. Coincidence? I don't know. There were a few conversations heading into the holidays. The first time he saw me he stopped dead, deer in headlites. Now everytime it's the same reaction. Deer in headlites, voice drips with emotion as he says, "Hi!, How are you???" and then the banter begins as if it never stopped. Serious stuff. I'm single. He is single. Our kids are all good. No, I never CALLED you stupid, I asked YOU how stupid you are & no that is not the same thing as calling you stupid. It is the same thing and you still need a spanking I see. Banter. Banter. Cross the line. Walk on the line. Interrupt it with something serious.

Then came yesterday. He almost hit me. With his bus because yes, he drives one for like a million hours a week. (County jobs pay well here) Truth be told, I was very sneaky. A conversation had to happen, I felt & I saw him an hour earlier driving. I came home & LOOKED at that runs schedule. It's only a block from my house so it seemed as good a time as any for a run, right? Right. Timed it perfect. Perfect.

I'm approaching a corner as he is making the turn. He stops dead & door flies open. "Hi! wanna go for a ride?" I jump on to see that he is completely alone. I sit as he is still in the middle of the road not moving just staring at me.

Sparks.

Flying.

OMG I forgot what the sparks were like. I told you spending time with a dee dee dee has killed brain cells.

We hit the usual, I'm fine, he is fine kids are all fine, he's learning to cook I'm going back to school.

Sparks.

He parks in front of a playground/community center as they always do for a few minutes before turning around & heading back into town. He turns around & says, "You drive me fucking crazy you know that? I didn't want to make any mistakes. I needed to figure out things with (wifey) I needed to know I tried everything there. I needed to not jump to anyone else until my head was on straight. I need to be a good person. I want to be a good person and so I've done nothing but work & play with kids & bide my time to get over everything. You & I have...something very real & I didn't want to mess either of us up before and I didn't want to ruin anything that could be great because I was too...stupid or something. But you have been in my head constantly. I do nothing because I'm afraid of screwing it up."

HOLD UP. He did do something. On three occassions within the same week last August he was at my door. He did try & I was with Patrick

Okay back to him..."I see you & it all goes out the window. I just am so afraid of disappointing you that it's made me sit on my hands. I don't know what I'm doing but I keep bidding on (work) runs near your house & I'm always watching for you, hoping."

Sparks.

At this point he stands up and motions for me to get up. I'm combination of relieved, happy, dumbfounded and whateverelse. I go to hug him, grab him & he just lets out a deep, relieved sigh. I heard & felt his as I did the same.

Sparks.

Major sparks.

He kisses me. Power sparks. My ass was literally PICKED UP & CARRIED to the back of the bus where I was plopped on his lap. Major sparks ensued.

Get your mind out of the gutter people I'm not a bus slut. Kind of.

But it was pretty damn hot and my apologies to the poor little old ladies waiting for him in town. He was running about 15 minutes late.

True story.