Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Somedays I really want to just shake people. When I met Pat he was...ACTIVE. There is a 12 year age difference but in practice, in day to day life it didn't seem it. He always wanted to go... do...suggested things... He was a gym rat. He was dubbed my personal trainer because he pushed me. I'm not what happened to him but somewhere in the last month I suspect he thought he had IT ALL WRAPPED UP. In spite of my telling him he didn't and not to get TOO comfy yet. Don't settle in buddy, we are NOT an old married couple. You still have to work at this & win me over.

Yeah. I moved and the guy that started visiting my new home is not the one I knew. This guy thinks laying on my couch is an Olympic Sport. This guy hasn't worked out in a month, goes to work, gets home & proceeds to lay on HIS couch. He has WATCHED me carry an air conditioner down a flight of stairs by myself. He has laid on my couch while my sister & I fixed the sink, put my uber heavy bed frame together & did various other tasks. There is NO motivation in his body whatsoever, just one reason why we, are not really a we at this point. I'm the Energizer Bunny and if you can't keep up, there's the door. He has cost me money. His slomo behavior has left me to replace various household things, LIKE a refridgerator. Why? He was too slow gettinbg it out of the other house & the ancient, dementia laden landlord thought I was ABANDONING it & did god knows what with some stuff. Legal recourse? of course, thats not the point. The point is that the snail COST me things that were vital to life with three kids. If it were me, I'd be replacing those things left & right, because it was my fault. Not him. Nope. 1300 dollar fridge, thats ok as long as its not his. The mode is that he SAYS he'll make up for things but does not want to actually do so willingly. If I ride his ass then he probably would but I will not me any mans mother. Christmas was very dicey. I had just dropped 2 grand to move and I was broke. His suggestion? Tell the kids Santa's not real & I'm broke this year! Was he kidding? No. Did he have the means to help? Yes. Did he consider them to be like his own kids? Yes. Would he rather see their tree be empty then DO something for them?

Yes.

And... And... He thought he was going to come here on Xmas Eve after work & sleep here. I was like, you think I want to see you if I know their holiday is teetering??? Yeah. Batshit crazy.

So, I don't like this guy much but there is a sense of him oweing me just a bit. Seriously. So we talk daily & every day I realize how little I like him & how radically he has shifted into this crappy version of himself. He says its cold & time to hibernate. I say grab an extra sweater & lets go. His days off? Spent on his couch & then he thinks he should come & lay on mine. I love to curl up on a cold night and cuddle. SOMETIMES. I don't want my ass in front of the tv every night all night. He won't move. Where did that other guy go??

I get it. When things are smooth he is truly wonderful. I really believed he had my back. I know he loves the girls & I. Things got a pick complicated as they often do in life and then, he couldn't cope. He may want to have my back, but clearly does not. Does not know HOW to do so. The lazy thing, I suspect thats the real him. The guy that no longer feels the need to impress. That sucks.

The clincher came last night. He has been wanting to get a particular job, waiting a year for it. They finally sent him the application and set up an interview for him. What did he do with the application? THREW IT IN THE GARBAGE. Why? Because they want ten years of his work history and its a lot to write.

Shit you not.

The job he has wanted is in front of him and the only thing in his way is himself. he is TOO LAZY to go after it.

I totally called him on it, called him lazy, etc.

I can't even imagine chosing to be... lifeless. Boring. Just lifeless.

This is why there's no hope. I choose to live my life not lay on the couch as it passes.