When A Friend Is Not A Friend

I had this friend that I've known for 25 years. More than half a lifetime. Way more. We went to middle school together. Forged each others excuses to get out of swimming class with the perverted swim teacher. We got dragged to my mothers god awful church together & gladly watched younger siblings together rather than actually sit & pretend to listen. We cruised the mall on Saturday nights with cans of aqua net in our purses just in case the spray-and fluff-and- spray and fluff headbanger hair atop our heads needed a readjustment. We went to beauty school together & braved the vocational technical school bus daily. In other words we sat in the back & somehow might of been the only ones exiting the bus NOT high as kites. We worked in our very first salon as shampoo girls- together. We snuck around & covered each others asses like good teenage girls do. Then overnite we grew up & lost touch. We reconnected a year ago & it was instant. Me now divorced with three kids. Her divorced with a son. So much catching up was done. So much big girl life had been lived. So many painful lessons learned. We were so similar once again & very much on the same life page. At least it seemed that way.

Last spring her close friendships imploded & I took her under my wing a bit more. I felt bad. She has no one. Her sister has sons the same age as hers yet they never get together. Never a sleepover nothing. I was happy. She was happy. My girls took her son in like a brother. It was good. The slightly, ever so slightly younger sister. She belonged here with us. Nothing would change that. Evening coffee playdates. Sunday dinner. Those lined our weeks for months on end. If you know me you know the ex has been inching closer in all the wrong ways. Hasn't seen his kids in 2 years but stalks & harasses. Owes 16 grand in child support but stalks & harasses instead. It's messy & very old. This friend was of course one of very few totally in the loop. Like, knows where my security system is & knows the disarm code kinda close. Knows my routine. Knows EVERY worry I have about MY girls. Knows me. As well as anyone ever could.

Complete trust. Complete faith. My home is yours. I have your back. Anyway I can help, I will.

A month ago she crossed the worst line imaginable & I am the very last person to find out. She called my ex. Why? To feel out the situation and "get a read on him". She sat down to Sunday dinner with my family & then called him. She had coffee with me & talked to him. Kids to the park, they are talking. Somewhere in there she decided she likes him because after all, when he wants to be or needs something (like my phone number, security code number, work hours etc.) he is the nicest man on earth. Maybe nicer.

She had the power to hand this man everything and to this day I do not have any idea what she has given him.

25 years. Let's go to the pumpkin patch with the kids (Why so my ex can be there?)  25 years. I'll watch the girls for you. (Why so he can see them?)  25 years. I can't imagine us ever not being best friends. (You mean like compromising the safety & security of my children???)

25 years. I should have trusted a stranger first.

I have had to change everything possible. Phone numbers. Emails. security codes. Blog sites. Everything.

I had to explain to my girls that they will not see their faux brother because his mom betrayed me with their father. They are furious. I don't lie to them. I tell them only as little as they need but I wasn't handing them some bogus reason. They well know that safety is first & they are furious with her for betraying all of us.

Why did she do this? I don't know. I do believe she'll take one lousy man over 5 good girlfriends any day though.  I guess this month he is that man.