Ain't It Funny?

Life is just funny.  You know, the way IT goes? The way you always end up wanting what isn't yours exactly and what could be yours...just doesn't quite fit the bill.

The crush & I are still circling. Get close for a week. Several calls a day etc. eventually hook up & then take a week off. Not an ideal for most people although for me, this has kind of worked. I don't think I can stomach any man every day of my life. I feel like I just don't have that to give. Small doses are good, then go away and give me some space. That's even better. In truth, I WOULD like to see more of him, but I fear that if I do, I'll realize he's an asshole & that'll be it. I can keep my rose colored glasses on if we aren't connected at the head. But the gut level connection is there as is the chemistry. More than I've ever had with any other man.

At the same time there is the ex BF. We do spend time together still but its strictly a friend situation. There is NO chemistry whatsoever. What remains is a genuine love as friends. But sparks...where there ever any??? That is precisely why he would be around daily if I wanted it. He would truly do ANYTHING for the girls & I. But I have to keep him at a distance because its just never gonna happen which is pretty damn ironic.

This is precisely why I like my nights alone the best. That's about the only time when I know I'm exactly where I belong.