crashed

my Internet has been down for a week so everything I do involves my phone and touchscreen. Let me just say that while I like the idea of a touchscreen I hate using it.

Will This Cure My Blueberry Coolatta Addiction?

I've Come To Realize...

I was tagged.

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size...
could always improve

2. I've come to realize that my job(s)...
are neverending

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...
the kids are always singing

4. I've come to realize that I need....
to believe in myself as much as I SAY I do

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
my sympathy for assholes that just never seem to get themselves together

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
people are late

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...
Vodka is usually involved

8. I've come to realize that money...
really cannot buy happiness

9. I've come to realize that certain people...
should focus more on there OWN lives and leave the rest of us ALONE

10. I've come to realize that I'll always ...
take care of those closest to me

11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)...
are just fine

12. I've come to realize that my mom...
is batshit crazy most days

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...
has been traded in for an iphone/itouch addiction

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...
I was pretty lucky

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...
I couldn't have felt safer

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking..
that I want peanut butter ice cream

17. I've come to realize that my dad...
is my dad

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...
it consumes me

19. I've come to realize that today...
is another good day with normal, happy kids & a few perks thrown in

20. I've come to realize that tonight...
I will curl up on the couch to watch tv and not be awake by the second commercial break

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...
will be whatever its supposed to be

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...
be around happy people at all times

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is...
dont care

24. I've come to realize that life...
is what you make it

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...
is just about over

26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...
Lady GaGa

27. I've come to realize that my friends...
are my friends because they are great people

28. I've come to realize that this year...
has had many obstacles but they opened my eyes

29. I've come to realize that my ex...
has no control over me

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...
pay more attention

31. I've come to realize that I love...
many parts of my current life

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...
mean people

33. I've come to realize my past...
is the past

34. I've come to realize that parties...
are great

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...
of nothing

36. I've come to realize that my life...
gets a bit better each day

Just Call Me Bella

B is by far the most creative kid in my house. By creative I mean she is lost in her own little world. The other day she had two plastic white spoons & colored big blue dots on the backside of each. She held them up to her eyes and declared them her "new eyes". Ok, whatever I thought as she walked around holding the spoons to her eyes. A few minutes later she walks into the kitchen with the spoons attatched to her eyes and her hands are doing something else. Again I thought, ok...they must fit perfectly in her eye sockets... something...

A few minutes later the real eyeballs are back & she is asking for a towel. Why a towel? TO GET THE GLUE OFF. My crazy child took her GLUESTICK and used it to attatch the spoons to her eyes!! Her's me, "What do you mean you GLUED plastic spoons to your eyes!!??"

Another of those sentences you just never expect to speak.

She has also been obsessed with all things Twilight for the last 6 months at least. Even if she hadn't seen the movie she still would be obsessed. There are daily drawings & paper dolls cut out of Bella & Edward. We were talking about names the other night & she asked if I almost named her anything else. As luck would have it she almost was Bella. Oh the squeals of joy. It hadn't even clicked as I was saying it, it took a minute to think, "Oh, BELLA..."

After the shrieking stopped she got very serious because everything IS serious business when you're six. "Just call me Bella mom. From now on that's my name, Bella." I'm now actually calling her Bella because if I call her Bridget or her former favorite "Bri (Bree)" there is no response.

Give. If you Can.

READ

As a friend stated the other day, its proof that evil exists in this world. This family needs help. They are also looking for a new place to stay as they no longer want to be inside the house where she was harmed.

I'm Like A Firecracker- I Make It Hot

See those people up there?? They shimmied up to Nay Aug park, spread out blankets and waited with a few hundred other people for the fireworks to begin. They ignored the dudes selling overpriced cotton candy & REALLY avoided the crazy ass selling 4 DOLLAR glow sticks. (Kids were not happy with all the avoiding going on) After waiting for about 30 minutes one lonely cop on a put put motorcycle came driving thru. He told random people (by random I mean, NOT us or anyone near us) that the fireworks were cancelled for no apparent reason. So of course the 4 people that the cop told before speeding out of the park himself before the pissed off revolt started- those 4 people spread the word, fast.

The kids were not happy. I was not happy because while there were big fireworks popping overhead as we drove, no where publicized having them so it was guesswork as to where they were coming from.

Anyway, independence day. Quite the theme. This feels like the first one that I'm really FREE of all the extra BS. It was emphasised by the fact that my ex had a courtdate last week. His Gagnon hearing for probation violation. The original hearing was a month ago but they continued his sentencing because he decided to play crazy as opposed to actually being his crazy self. They did a mental evalustion and of course decided the histrionics from last month were a show. The judge told him she has no doubt he has serious mental problems but is still in control of them enough to try & manipulate the system. He played psychotic last month but his eval shows depression only. He is still knowing what to say when, not being honest and wanted a free mental health pass out but doesn't really want the help. 9 more months but it runs concurrent. His attorney was interesting. She campaigned for his RELEASE to his mothers home. From there probation, alcohol monitoring, etc. Oh and he owes 5 grand to domestics. He has to pay up before his release. His attorney wanted to erase that debt & have him do community service instead. Now I KNEW the judge was going to give him the max because the DA talked to her beforehand so I was at ease with what would come but the community service thing pissed me off so very badly. You owe money to care for your CHILDREN but lets foreget that & go clean trash off the side of a highway & call it even??!! What the fuck. How could that even be right?? His debt isn't to society but to his KIDS.

Ugh.

But. I knew I had grown accustomed to court & unphased by it. This time around I was BS-ing with the DA & his assistant, with MY advocate while in the courtroom waiting for the judge. Very at ease. I was sitting there thinking, yes, I can work here. Yes, I can do this. Easily. So that was a good thing. I want that job.

Today is my cookout. I should be cooking already because you guys know how I am. Macaroni, potato & pasta salads plus the grill stuff. Dessert? Ice Cream Cone Cupcakes, Apple Pie w/ ice cream & whatever else Pat is bringing. I see Vanilla Martini's in my near future.

Out. Of. My. Head.

I hate when the past creeps in. When I realize my reaction to a current situation has nothing to do with the current situation & everything to do with my past experiences. When I look at someone that I believe to be trustworthy & more importantly, that I believe is in that moment telling me the truth- yet I still bite back the words, "Don't fucking lie to me.". Even though in the pit of my stomach I believe them. I hate how my past experience with having every word spoken add up to one ginromous decade long lie- I hate how I instantly try to figure out truth even though it is being handed to me. I'm STILL always reading between lines, looking for hidden meanings, piecing together nonsense and why? Likely for nothing. because it's what I know. It's how I functioned in a relationship for so long that now I need to remind myself to just kind of... be. Trust (somehow) that the moment is what it is & is exactly as it appears to be.

Run/Walk Help Please

Thank you guys for the daily emails. I know commenting on here is still hit & miss. Not sure why that is.

I need a bit of help. Has anyone ever helped to organize a run/walk for any cause-charity-Non-profit? If so PLEASE let me know because I have questions! Any unecessary headbanging would be appreciated!

Where Is He??

I can't find Coco Puff still. My heart hurts.

Annie Are You Ok

The kids were watching one of the many stations showing Michael Jackson videos today. They kept asking if I liked the ones being shown & most weren't my favorites. Then Smooth Criminal came on & I sat down. "THIS one I love. THIS one won awards for the dancing in it." The kids loved it & halfway thru Bridget proclaims, "I think I might someday be as famous as him because I dance a lot too."

I can only hope sweet B. In the meantime, here's Smooth Criminal in its full form.