Aubrey LaRue

03:09 pm - This rant brought to you by the letter B & the number 6


...In other words, it's not just a Calgon moment but a Calgon day.



One of those where you look at your kids and wonder how the hell they even got here. How common sense didn't rule after the first night of colic with the first kid.



Em is in more of a screaming phase than normal. The normal amount of screaming I'm quite sure has killed some nearby animals. She starts this bloodcurdling screech (As Aimee has heard) and the paint starts to fall from walls or something. It is just so god awful bad. The whole shitfit will be completely unintelligible because the screech is so bad it cancels out words. A tape of her would do wonders at Gitmo, I'm telling you.



So she is worse this week. In the time it took to type this so far there have been 3 screeches from her. Talking is useless. Yelling is useless. I'm trying not to respond & that seems useless. She's also shredding things. Paper. Magazines. She took the top off B's cup & handed it to her. I found B beneath the kitchen table splashing & rolling in milk. Yes. Milk. Truly making up for the twoness she never really embraced I guess.



Meanwhile B is two & well aware. She tidal waved the bathroom awhile ago by trying to flush not one but TWO entire roles of Charmin down the toilet. 1.5 of those roles went down. Maya ever so casually alerted me to this by saying, "Um mom, you have to see Bridget in the bathroom".



3 inches of water, flooded hallway carpet, etc...



Grocery store. i thought that's be okayish. They are always angelic in public. Or "fake" as we call it. Not today. Smackdown in the cracker aisle. Maya wanted cheese nips & Em wanted Teddy Grahams so I said compromise. Bam. Down on the floor slamming each other. I could not believe it. Could. Not. meanwhile B is trying to throw herself out of the cart while saying, "I'll help you Ah-Me!(Emmy)"



Gave them very early baths in the last hour. As Em was in the tub B was downstairs ripping 400 mother trucking kiddie books off the shelves. As Bridget was in the tub Maya drew a mother trucking mural on my kitchen table & tried to say Em did it. Wood table, white crayon, little girls with google eyes & pig tails.



I. Don't. Fucking. Think. So.



Emmy can barely draw a circle because "It's boring."



If my head ever stops spinning I'm going to need aspirin or something stronger to offset the whiplash pain I'm telling you.



I'm sitting here thinking not only should i have gone thru with the divorce last year, but I should have given John custody. Not that I think life would be better because in my sane(ish, calm(ish) moments it's very good- but hell i'd be much calmer.



And did I mention that it's 94 fucking humid degrees on this mid-September day? And that Ella keeps unplugging my a/c?

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09:30 am

This is where my week turns into complete chaos. There are 60 people coming on Sunday. Sixty. I don't know where I'm going to put everyone. Or how I'll feed everyone. John is grilling everything from chicken to steak to lobster tail. I'm in charge of salads & sides. And Maya's cake. And a load of Brownies because John never wants a birthday cake. I still need to grab some of Maya's gifts, decorations, etc.



Thursday the maggot permanently lands her broom here. Thursday we may venture into the city as well. Friday John has training all day in Philly. I canceled the sitter for Saturday because there is just no way we can go out & have everything done in time.



Make a list Tania & just breathe.



I had one of those dreaded moments this morning. It was before 7am & his cell rang. I was making coffee & the phone was on the kitchen counter. I looked at the caller id and didn't recognize the number. I never answer his cell & he never answers mine either. But my brain started running...Alyssa...Aomeone else...



Downward spiral.



All the while I KNEW there is nothing going on & no reason to be paranoid. Knew it. I know where he is & i know he is faithful. But still. It just doesn't go away. In a really twisted way this morning I realized that I'm glad that he has the same worries about me. I'm glad that he gets paranoid too. I'm glad I gave him those feelings because it's not just me at least. That sounds awful, I know but it feels better to have a very level playing field. It feels better to know that for every passing thought that i have about Alyssa, he has one about Andy.



Truly an evil wife moment. Also an honest one.